Mother's Day 2017

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere!

As an adoptive mama, I often think about Gabriel's mother, the one who gave him life-- the one I take the time to honor every Mother's Day.  I hope that she has the peace to know that he is okay and more than that-- that he is a happy kid and very loved.

Last night, as I was getting him ready for bed, he said to me, "When I was zero, you put me on a train and left me there all alone," and I looked into his eyes with compassion to respond, "Oh, sweetie, we didn't know you when you were zero.  You were still in China."

Then he said, "And when I was one?" 

I said, "Yes, you were still in China, but I like to think that they celebrated your birthday with you."  Sometimes that is done in China orphanages.  Sometimes it is not.  He has a memory book written by his caretaker from when he was in China, and there are no pictures of his birthday... no journaling done on his birthday, and I wonder.

Then he said, "And when I was two?"

I said, "When you turned two, we were with you in China." 

Then he said, "And when I was three?" 

I responded, "We were together when you were three."

And then he went through four and then into the future.

"Yes, we will always be together from now on.  Always."

We visited our niece yesterday to celebrate her first birthday, and evidently, this brought up some things for him, even at the young age of four... "almost five," as he likes to say.  We all looked with joy on the occasion.  We all love "baby Gwendolyn" so much.  But we also looked at all the family members who were there to celebrate her... all the attention lavished just on her on her special day.  We rejoice in that, too, but we know that was not part of his experience.  And maybe a part of him knows that was not part of his experience.   It's so hard as an adoptive mother to know when to reveal more of his story to him.  At this young age, if I revealed it, he still probably wouldn't understand, so I wait until he is old enough, but that will likely happen in another year or so.  And then that part of his story will be his to share or not share, as he chooses. 

And now we pray and think about our second child, who is still in China, who we have yet to meet through an adoption file or pictures, and we thank his mother (for our next child will most likely be a boy) for her gift of life to her child, as well.  He is very likely already waiting at an orphanage or a foster home in China.

It is a bittersweet day.  So happy to be a mama to our son.  So sad that his biological mama had to face what was probably a hard decision  in order to make our story come true.  We will light a candle at church for her today, but we think of her always.

~Jennifer