Family Day 2015

It is hard to imagine that one year ago today, we met our son, Gabriel.  What a wonderful year this has been!!  I know of a couple of friends who are in China right now, doing the same thing that we did last year, and it brings back all those feelings of excitement and nervousness all at once.  

Excitement, because we were finally going to be parents!!  I had dreamed of that day ever since I was a little girl playing house, and my husband had at one point in his bachelorhood grieved the possibility that he would never be a dad.  In fact, even after being married for a few years, we wondered if parenthood would ever happen for us as a couple.  Then, God revealed to us a few different times in different ways that we were called to adoption.  I won't go through the whole story of that again, since it is in previous blogs, but it was quite a journey-- the process of adoption-- and so when we hopped in the van that would take us to our hotel in Jinan, China, and heard that our son was waiting for us at that moment in our hotel, we cried with that excitement.  It was time!  He was there!!  We were excited, indeed, but he was scared.  Imagine being nearly two years old and being whisked away by complete strangers.  He had no idea what was happening, but we were ready.  We were there to love him, to comfort him, to let him know that he was safe and that he would be loved by us forever.  Here are the first moments of our meeting:

The rest of our time in China kept us busy, as you could tell from our lack of blog posts.  We were trying to get to know our son while completing necessary paperwork and visiting important landmarks in the city from which he was adopted.  Then we were off to Guangzhou, China, where we completed his visa medical check, and went to the US Consulate to complete the rest of the official documents for his visa.  

Finally, after a delay due to illness, we came home to begin the real work of becoming a family.  This was where our first round of nervousness set in.  How in the world were we going to help him feel safe, to know that we are permanent, to know that we love him?  And how were we going to help him get to sleep at night so that we could also sleep?  Ahhh... that question speaks to the life of new parents everywhere-- and on some nights, like tonight, it still speaks to us.  (Thank you, Howie, for taking bedtime duty tonight.)

That was followed by a sudden awareness that our son had giardia.  Not just any giardia (it's an awful protozoan), but a resistant giardia that held strong in our son's body for nearly four months since coming home.  This really limited us-- me, especially, since I was at home while Howie went to work-- from going anywhere, because this was pretty powerful and very contagious diarrhea. You didn't want to be anywhere where it might rear its ugly head, as it did on our first outing to our local park.  Ick!!

The sleepless nights and the giardia did not keep us from loving our son, though.  He was a little comedian from the start, always doing something to make us laugh.  He loved to snuggle and be held. He was sweet, kind, loving, and so SMART, and he still is all of those things and more.  

Medically, we were lucky.  The surgery for his special need was completed correctly in China.  He did not need a "re-do" surgery at home in the US.  For that, we are extremely thankful.  We still had  and continue to have to manage his special need.  It's not a need that can be cured; it's a need that will need to be managed throughout his life, but we're prepared to support him throughout it all.  

Today is a great day to reflect back on everything.  Those first few months home, the months following those with some proactive attachment therapy to help us build those connections with our son, to help in the bonding, to help him feel safe, and to help him to know that he is loved.  

And here we are, one year later, and though we still have some typical toddler challenges, things are quite  a bit calmer than those first few months.  I looked at my son today as he was smiling.  I love the dimples on his lower cheeks.  My brother has those dimples, even though they are not blood related.  I love the dimple under his right eye, too.  It helps to highlight those sparkly, loving brown eyes of his.  I like it when he comes to me the mornings that my husband lets me sleep in (again, thank you Howie!), stands beside my bed, and says, "Get up, Mama!  Get up!"  How can I possibly stay asleep then?  This little person, the one that I was so scared would not know our deep love for him, WANTS me to get up to be with him.  He knows our love.  I love it when he asks me to play the fish memory game with him, and when he takes my hand, and pulls me over to build "the biggest tower in the world" with him.  He likes to make little spaces, which he calls windows, in this tower, and with each window built, he crouches down, and I crouch down, and he says, "I see you!"  and I say it back to him.   I even love him  when he wakes up upset in the middle of the night and asks if we can play playdough- to which I say, "Not now, Gabriel.  Tomorrow, we will play playdough."  :)  He's recently begun singing songs, too.  He knows almost every song on the newest Mercy Me CD and the songs to nearly every PBS kid's show. (And no, we don't let him watch that much TV, but he gets free access to PBS shows for about an hour every night when having his treatment done.)  He even loves watching Straight No Chaser sing "Back Home Again in Indiana."  Sometimes, he even asks me to sing along.  When I ask him if he's going to be a singer someday, he nods his head and smiles.

We co-slept our first few months home, then tried a different method which didn't work well, and are now back to co-sleeping until he falls asleep at which point we place him in his crib, which is soon to become a toddler bed.  It takes time, sure.  But it continues to build connection.   I love how he nuzzles up to me and gets as close as he possibly can, how we whisper to each other,"I love you,"  and how he sucks his thumb while he falls asleep right beside me.  He was never nursed, and I was never able to nurse.  This is our nursing.  It's hard to make up for lost time, but we're doing it.  

Howie is doing a wonderful job at being a father, too.  I love seeing them wrestle and rough house with each other, look into each others eyes with mutual admiration, and play fun games together. With summer here, I like seeing  Howie being able to do more with our son, and I can see how Gabriel loves his Baba with all of his heart.  All of those things above that Gabriel has done with me, he has done with Howie-- well, maybe except for the nursing part.  We can leave that part out, but they are definitely bonding in their own ways as father and son.

As we go forward into our second year as a family together, we face an additional medical problem-- not life threatening or anything like that-- but definitely one that we hoped our son would not have to face.  It breaks our heart to think about what it could possibly mean for him, like another surgery, and medical management of a different kind on top the condition he is already managing.  It could trigger medical trauma for him, and though he understands what we say as parents, it's difficult to put medical treatments in toddler-friendly language.  Again, he will wonder what is going on and why, but with God's help, we will help him get through it until he eventually does understand it and knows that we are there to help him through anything, no matter what.

Before we face that medical condition head-on, we'll celebrate his third birthday in less than a week, and we'll get to spend a lot of time with family and friends.  We look forward to the non-medical part of the next year with eagerness and expectation.  His language will grow more and will become more clearly understood by others.  His gross motor, which was far behind earlier this year, is continuing to improve, and we expect he will catch up to his peers in that area pretty soon, too.  Most of all, we just look forward to spending yet another year with our son-- the little person who makes us laugh, who loves us with all his might, who wears us out with his energy, and who makes us feel young again. We love you, too, Gabriel Song Fischer.  Our hearts are yours forever.

  

Mother's Day 2015

Happy Mother's Day to all moms our there everywhere!!  It truly is a blessing to finally be a mom this year to our son, Gabriel.  Despite my toddler pouring Softsoap all over the rug in the living room and throwing his crackers on the floor for the fifth time this week, it is a blessing.  He is a blessing.   I remember not long ago longing for these moments-- even the messy ones and the ones full of toddler mischief.  And now those moments are here-- all of them:  the loving moments, the funny moments, the messy moments, the fun moments, the amazing moments, the proud moments and even the scary moments.  All of those moments that all moms experience are my moments now, too.

Here are a few pictures of those fun, loving, and memorable moments just from April:

However, I am also reminded that someone else is missing those moments.  Though I think of her often, tonight especially, I am reminded of the woman who did not get to experience those moments.  I am reminded of Gabriel's biological mom.  We know very little of his early story and know nothing about his mom.  However, I can only imagine how she must have felt.  I can imagine him being born and her looking lovingly into those same eyes that mine meet day after day.  And then, very soon, she learned that something wasn't right.  He was very sick.  From what little we know, she likely didn't have the money to give him the care that he needed, so she did the only thing that any loving mother would do.  She made the sacrifice of giving up her son in the hopes that someone would find him and help him.  She risked her life to do so.  Women who are found doing this in China can be imprisoned.  She cared that much for him.

 I hope she read the finding ad that would have given her the chance to know that he survived.  I hope she knows that he is alive, taken care of, and loved beyond measure.   I hope she knows how grateful we are to have the chance to love and raise this cute, sweet, kind, loving little boy who was once her little boy. 

 I would want her to know that he is sweet.  He gives the best hugs, he'll kiss us very gently on the cheek, he'll kiss our "boo boos" just as we kiss his, and he'll even kiss the pictures of animals in books.  He loves playing with other kids, both younger and older than himself.  (He hasn't really had the chance to play with someone his own age, but that will come soon enough.)  I would want her to know that he LOVES animals, especially birds, cats, and dogs (despite us having none of these, except for the birds in our yard).  I would want her to know that he has a great sense of humor with facial expressions to match, and we wonder if this part of his personality comes from her or his biological father. I would want her to know that he's extremely smart and has a determination to do things that are challenging for him to do.  And I want her to know that we are getting him the medical treatment that he needs to live a full and healthy life.  Our extended family and we love him more than we ever knew we could love someone.

We pray for her and for Gabriel's father and will light a candle at church in her honor every Mother's Day.  We will never forget. 


   

Fun in the Snow... and Other News

 

 

March 1, 2015 Winter Storm

Gabriel just couldn't wait to go out to play in the snow!!  He recently got a book from the library about three kittens who worried all year long about the snow in the winter, but a fourth kitten kept saying, "I can't wait!"  Gabriel has added one or two words to the ends of familiar songs or stories in the past, but he's never completely filled in a sentence before this book.  After the three kittens lamented about the snow in each season, I would turn the page and just say, "And the fourth kitten said..."  And Gabriel filled in with "I can't wait!"  And he used a different inflection each time he said it-- a proud English teacher Mama moment.  :)  Then, when we changed his diaper just before bundling him up to go outside, we said, "Do you want to play in the snow?"  And he said, "I can't wait!"  :)  He loves saying that sentence, and I'm sure more complete sentences are soon to follow.

Okay, the rest of the blog is picture filled with fun pictures of him in the snow today.

Here's a picture of the two of us standing in the snow that he could barely walk in-- 

Here are a couple of Gabriel wanting to help us out with his new snow shoveling skills:

And here are a couple more with Howie trying to give him a ride on the big snow shovel:

He had a great time in the snow and was such a big helper!  We couldn't be more proud of our sweet little guy.

And onto other news, he's expressing a desire to potty train!!  We're no where close to done in that department yet, but we're happy that he's interested in it.  That's the first in many steps he'll have to take!

Now that we have our good snow shots taken, spring can come!!  I'll be just fine with that!!  Looking forward to more trips to the Zoo, more time at the park, and more walks around the block.  Unfortunately, it looks like we might have some icy weather to get through before it is (hopefully) all done.  When Howie was talking to Gabriel about the ice, he, of course, said, "I can't wait!"  Maybe it's time to teach him the sentence, "I hate ice!"  lol

Time to have my snack before he wakes up from nap time.  :)

Chinese New Year!

Happy Year of the Sheep/Goat/Ram (take your pick)!! 

Gabriel celebrated his first ever Chinese New Year in the US on Saturday.  Despite his Chinese New Year outfit not fitting this year (hopefully he'll grow into it by next winter), it was a wonderful day!!  As I have mentioned on a previous Facebook post, one of Gabriel's friends, "Momo" for short, will soon be adopted by a family that lives very close to us.  After I expressed an interest in doing something with them and their daughters as well as another adoptive family who brought their son, Liam, home on Christmas Eve, Momo's mom offered to host Chinese New Year at her home, and all of us gladly accepted the invitation!

She made a wonderful meal, which included Chinese salad, a chicken-rice-pineapple dish, Chinese-seasoned broccoli, Chinese noodles, fruit, and cookies.  Not only this.  It was dairy and gluten-free, AND she made sure that it all met Gabriel's requirements of whole grains (no white flour).  So often, he has to eat something different from everyone else.  Even though he was more interested in playing with the other kids, WE appreciated the effort she put into making foods that every single person could enjoy.  She also took the time to give me the recipe for the cookies.  Gabriel never gets to have real cookies, because nearly all cookies out there contain either white flour or white rice flour.  These contain oat and brown rice flour!  Yay!!  We have a winner!!  Mama is going to have to do some baking!!

 

 

Gabriel had fun running around with the girls and Liam all evening long while we parents got a break to discuss parenting life.  It was nice to have that time to ourselves while knowing that our kids were having an equally fun time.  We gave tips and helpful information about travelling to China to Momo's parents, and they told us some stories of when their girls were babies and experienced some of the things that our children are experiencing now, even though Gabriel is 2.5 and Liam is almost 4.  Yes, we missed out on the lives of our children when they were babies.  However, we still get the opportunity to parent them as if they are babies.  They need that, and we need that. 

Lately, Gabriel will even ask to be held like a baby.  Most people see regression as a negative thing, but in the world of international adoption, regression is a positive.  It's a sign of attachment.  He needs that need met, because he never got it.  He spent the first six months of his life in a hospital.  It breaks our heart to think about that-- to wonder if anyone ever took the time to look into those precious eyes and speak through his or her eyes that he is loved.  How we wish we could have been there then.   Now, he has begun to gaze into our eyes as we look into his.  That took some time, but the important thing is that it's here now.  We're here now.  And he knows he is loved now by two people who will never leave him.  We're still working on helping him realize that we'll never leave him, but we're getting there.

As we mark the Lunar New Year, we also are marking a sharp increase in Gabriel's language development.  He's saying more phrases now, and we'll soon have to record him saying, "Lalalovu" before it is gone and replaced with the clearer phrase of "I love you" for good.  This is great progress, but we'll miss some of those phrases that only we can translate.  He's far from getting rid of all of them at once, but  bit by bit, it's going to happen.  Time to record for memories' sake.  This week's new phrases have included, "Silly Mama" and "Silly Baba" as well as "chicken butt."  Don't ask.  lol  Let's just say that Baba will be expected to answer certain questions at parent-teacher conferences some day.  :)

I was going to end the blog shortly after this paragraph above, but we continued to celebrate Chinese New Year today with my parents.  We went to church together and then went to Panda Express for lunch.  They didn't have his favorite-- teriyaki chicken (which he calls yacki chicken)-- but he made due with the string bean chicken-- at least the chicken part of that dish and some of the steamed veggies as a side.  Here's a picture of the three of us and another of Gabriel with his grandparents (my parents).

Well, it's time for us to get some sleep.  Weekends go much too fast around here, but this one was a fun one.  Here's a picture of Gabriel "hamming it up" for the camera.  He LOVES to have his picture taken.  It also shows off his new hair cut.  The side burns are gone for good (I hope)!!

 

 

 Have a wonderful week, and stay warm!!

 

 

A Year Ago...

It's been awhile since I've written.  Wow-- haven't posted a thing since a very short blog from China! We've been very busy, though, with a two-year-old in the house!!

I thought today would be a wonderful day to update the blog since it has been a year since we received our official match for our son, Gabriel.  I still remember that day vividly.  Howie and I were awaiting news from our agency to see if we had been chosen to be Gabriel's parents.  You see, there were other families interested in him.  We all presented information to Bethany, and they prayed about who they thought would be the best family for him.  I envisioned getting the phone call at home and celebrating immediately with Howie in our house.  Instead, I received the call right after the school day had ended.  I yelled with delight and then immediately called Howie.  Then, I shared the news with one of my best friends from school, Joanie, who was located next door.  She had followed our story from the beginning, and it was so nice to be able to celebrate with someone who knew our ups and downs.  Anyway, that was then. This is now!

What has happened after China?!  Wow... too much to mention here, but I'll give you the highlights. I think I'll go by topic instead of chronologically for the most part, because some of what we first dealt with upon coming home, we are still dealing with seven months later!!  I will say this, though.  Despite all the challenges and adjustments that come with adopting a two-year-old child with a special condition from overseas, we love our son, Gabriel, with every fiber of our being.  Our lives have been forever changed for the better.  He has blessed us beyond measure.

Let me start with some of the positives.  First, our son, despite being the cutest kid we've ever seen, has quite a personality!!  He loves making us laugh, and his laughter and smile are contagious.  We've never experienced this kind of joy before-- the joy that comes from raising a child.  At dinner, he'll sometimes play a game with us where he will look very serious or sad, and we'll say, "Oh no... Are you sad?"  And then he'll give the biggest smile you've ever seen in your life, and he'll throw his head back and laugh like he tricked us, and he must think we're not very smart, because he'll do it over and over again.  Each time, we pretend to fall for it.  :)  He also experiments with using different voices.  He'll usually say, "Mama" in a sweet, innocent voice, and then sometimes he'll say, "Baba" (baba means daddy in Chinese) in a deep voice with eyebrows to match.  That makes us laugh every time.  Oh... and he expresses every emotion he has with those eyebrows of his.  I've never seen anyone else use their eyebrows like he does!!  I love that about him. 

He's also a very sweet little boy.  Sometimes, for no reason whatsoever, he'll just come up to us, hug our legs, and give us a kiss.  Lately, when we're building towers with his blocks and my tower falls over, I'll laugh , but he'll come up and give me a consoling hug.  So sweet!!  He loves "group hugs and kisses" when Baba comes home from work, too.  He's also very sensitive.  When we first introduced him to a kid's bowling game, for example, he felt bad for the pins that were knocked down and would say, "Oh no!!" and make a sad face.  I think he understands now that "things" don't have feelings, but at first, he thought that everything did.  He'll also try to help us around the house.  He loves putting away his clean laundry, and he is delighted when I vacuum, and helps by moving the cord around for me.  :)  Sometimes, he's too helpful, like at diaper changes and when loading the dishwasher, but overall, he knows when to help, and he'll usually listen when we tell him that we need to do something on our own.  He also loves to pray at dinner time and will remind us to pray sometimes when we're in a hurry and have forgotten.  He usually listens to the prayer but chimes in with a definite, "Amen" at the end and then starts clapping and sings an Amen or two, because we once sang the "Amen" song after praying, and well, it stuck just like that.  He loves it.  He'll sing a little bit of it, and now he even claps along with the beat.  We sing it every single night now for our enjoyment.  :)

Just as we assumed from the first video that we saw of him at the orphanage in China, he is very smart.  He already recognizes his ABCs (capital letters) and can count to five if we help him out with the number three.  He can sort objects by color but is still learning the names of colors, except for purple.  That one, he knows very well.  He loves puzzles and books!!  He'll bring me enough books to read to him for half an hour. He has a pretty long attention span for a two-year-old.  He also loves playing with play dough, coloring, and dancing with Mama and Baba.  Right now, his favorite song is "The Hokey Pokey," and he can do the movements (but doesn't know his right from left, obviously).   He can say, "Go Colts" and recently said, "Go Seahawks" very clearly, which surprised us.  He says, "I love you" something like, "Lalalalovelu" and says various other short phrases like, "Right there," "See ya," "There it is," etc.  His speech is a little delayed, but he was evaluated by First Steps, and they think he'll catch up in time and will accelerate especially when he enters daycare in the fall.  They weren't too concerned with it yet.  He can't say many blended consonants and can't say words with "s" in them, and never says plurals, but then again, they don't use plurals in China, so I've heard.  He'll catch on, I'm sure.  If not, we'll get some early intervention from the school system when he's three.

Developmentally, he's doing very well.  He's above and beyond outstanding in his fine motor skills, which we guessed from the video in China.  (They give them toys that they could choke on, so they're used to handling small objects from an early age.)  He's very social.  It looks like we have an extroverted little one on our hands, which will be interesting for two introverted parents!!  His gross motor is behind that of his peers, but again, we hope that he will catch up when the weather gets warmer, his special condition is more managed, and he can play on the playground more.  He's doing pretty well considering that he was not walking steadily when we first met him in China, at age two.  (He had showed marked improvement by the time we left China, though.  We think he was held quite a bit by the workers there.  He still loves to be held "up," but with his weight increasing, we won't be able to do this much longer!)

Emotionally, there are some things that orphanage kids deal with that other kids don't have an experience with.  We've seen some of these things and are working through them little by little.  He's used to running the show, so we're letting him know that we're in charge.  He's used to throwing his leftover food on the floor, so we have him do "do-overs" to pick up the food, and those are very effective.  We haven't seen him throw food on the floor in probably a week or two now.  Victory!!  Sleep is different for him.  He's not left alone in a room of about 15 other kids at night, but he still feels anxious.  A lot of orphanage kids have trouble sleeping at night, and Gabriel is no exception.  This is a hard one to overcome, but we're working on it.  Diaper changes can also be hard for him.  This could stem from his special condition, his first six months of life at a hospital in China,  the orphanage, or just something new that he's feeling now that he's actually on medication for his condition.  It's hard to say. 

He's seen some of his friends from the orphanage in their new homes and seems to recognize them, and a picture of one of his friends from the orphanage is hanging on our fridge, because he'll soon be coming home to a family that lives very close to us.  We're excited for them to meet up again and hope that they will become good friends once more.  To be able to grow up with another adopted boy from China is wonderful in itself, but to grow up with one from his orphanage?!  Wow... what a blessing!!

He's also really enjoyed the holidays that he's experienced-- the Chinese festival, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!!  Next up, Chinese New Year!!!!!

I'll also let everyone know about Gabriel's health, since this is something we've dealt with on a daily basis since welcoming him into our family.  A few months after arriving home, we went to see a specialist at Nationwide Children's Hospital in Ohio and found out that Gabriel's intestinal surgery that was performed in China was done correctly by the surgeon there.  This is extremely rare, and in addition to that, he has only one minor, related diagnosis (a low level reflux of his left kidney) that he will likely outgrow in time.  This is excellent news for our son and for us, since his condition can often come with a host of other problems.  

Even with the good surgery, though, we still have to manage our son's condition with a very strict diet and over-the-counter medication which has to be tweaked and re-tweaked.  We're still tweaking, in fact, mostly because he's recently developed another gastrointestinal problem that will be checked out by a couple of specialists and will hopefully be resolved soon.  The down side to his special condition is that regular GI doctors really don't know much about it, but to solve this related problem, they HAVE to know something about it or at least how we have to treat it.  Altogether, despite the good surgery,  it's been a rough journey with this condition, and right now especially, it's pretty socially isolating, too.  There aren't many days that we can venture out of the house for fear of some big messes occurring.  We do most of our outings when Howie is at home so that at least two of us are there to deal with it.  Things should get better eventually, but we have a ways to go on this journey before that happens.  Our hope is that these problems get better before he has to go to daycare next fall.

 I do have to say that I am blessed to belong to a Facebook group of other mamas who have adopted children (mostly from China) with this same condition.  Without their support and advice and the support of other close friends and family, I really don't know how we would have managed such a complex condition.  We are so thankful to those who have kept our son and us in your prayers.  With God, we will overcome these difficulties

Well, that's the short version of everything that we've experienced since China!!  :)  We are so thankful that we were matched with our son.  God has truly blessed us with his life.  Never far from our minds and hearts are his other parents-- the ones who were unable to raise him, most likely due to his medical condition and the expense that the surgery would have cost.  We hope that, deep down, they know that he is alive and is with another family who loves him very much. 

This journey and our son continue to amaze and inspire us... and I'll try to do a better job at updating the blog more often so that you can continue to share in our journey.